Balance. It's something we all strive for. I think I may have too many good things going on right now, and I may need to edit and keep only the best. I have a feeling dishes and laundry and grocery shopping cannot be edited out. Too bad. This week has felt really busy and overwhelming to me. Halloween is creeping up and I'm making (sewing and crocheting) the girls Halloween dresses, I mean costumes. Today I had to undo nearly half of my progress on the dress I'm crocheting for Greta. That was at least 3 hours of work all unravelled in no time. It's hard for me to find time to work on my little projects because often Greta takes a poor afternoon nap.
I've been trying to exercise. It usually helps me feel better about everything. But I can't run as far as I used to and I feel more sore in general after my runs. I know I'm being a weenie and should just suck it up but to add to it, something usually deters me from getting out the door and then I have a melt down. Somedays I have as many melt downs as Holly. Speaking of Holly, she can open our front door. The other day she went to go get Daddy from the train all by herself. And then was so upset with me for bringing her back without Daddy that she pulled my hair really, really hard.
I have about 50 minutes of video on my mino right now, a sink full of dirty dishes, a living room that is in a constant state of disarray, and I'm exhausted every night. I do as little grocery shopping as I can manage. And when people ask me if I have help (meaning in raising my two, young children), I feel tempted to ask them if they mean mental help.
I write all this, (and I could list a ton of other things that are weighing on my shoulders), but I'm happy. I have an extremely active toddler, but silly marching with her to bed and acting goofy and playing ring around the rosie and chasing her all over the apartment trying to get her pajamas on and cheering for her when she pees in the potty all by herself - those things they make me happy. And when I'm sad, Holly always knows and asks me, "a sad Mommy?" She knows what tears on my cheeks mean and she'll softly touch my cheek and give me hugs and kisses and sympathy. And Greta, she may cry when I'm making supper, but today, she just wanted to be held so bad. She did her best to scoot over to where I was because she just wanted her Mom. She stopped crying as soon as I scooped her up. And when I picked her up out of her bed after her nap, she cuddled right into me, limp noodle style, and stayed there. And I loved her with all my being. With all that I am. I have a husband who adores me and cares about me and forgives me so quickly when I'm ridiculous. He supports me and listens to me. He loves me. Things may get a little crazy around here, and you may not want to drop in unannounced (although you're always welcome), but this is my family, my home and I love them. I definitely need to figure some things out about life and how to live it, however, I think I'm making progress and that's what matters.
Through the grapevine I heard someone say that they have forever to spend with their children as adults. So they're going to do their best to enjoy this small amount of time they have to spend with their children when they're small and actually children. And that's my goal. To enjoy my children. And to worry less about the state of my apartment. Because one day, there won't be any children living in my home and then I can tidy and clean all I want. But for now, I'm going to sneak in one more kiss, cuddle, and trip to the park.
